By Morgan Petit-Homme
People say time heals all wounds, I don’t believe that to be true.
Until last year, time has only caused me more pain and confusion.
My adolescence to adulthood (13-26 years old), I have been in denial about all of the trauma I have experienced. I always told myself, “someone has surely suffered worse than you”. I wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge how the first violation of my body had harmed me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
It wasn’t until my marriage was severely violated that I realized that I needed to face, work through, and take ownership over my story.
I always knew that this trauma I’ve experienced would affect my marriage, it affected my dating life.
I couldn’t put words to it, but the trauma I experienced when I was thirteen led me to feel hopeless and that my opinion didn’t matter. So in every relationship after that, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, I made decisions based on what I thought the boys in my life wanted.
There was a curriculum I went through when I was in one of the lowest points of my life. It’s called the Calling Lab, meant to help you find your God-ordained purpose in life. One of the notes I wrote,
“Your lifestyle is evidence of your salvation.”
Intellectually, I understood what this meant, but I had a hard time putting my words into action.
When I started going to counseling, I was full of resentment and guilt surrounding my longest romantic relationship (before marriage). I again felt hopeless, fearing that I would never be forgiven and released from the soul-ties I had formed with this person.
But after accepting responsibility for where I had fallen and how I had allowed him to take priority in my life (over God and my well-being), many prayers and tears I received relief and freedom from all the damage that was done.
Twenty-six years of time did not heal my wounds. I’ve only just begun my healing journey.
I am still learning how to have healthy relationships, with men and women. The enemy will often try to cause confusion and question people’s motives.
I wish I would have more deeply considered dealing with and healing from my trauma as much as possible before stepping into a romantic relationship, especially marriage.
It is so much harder to try to heal when you’re in a romantic relationship. Intimacy will suffer and it is hard to ask for the space (physical and emotional) you need to truly heal.
But there is still hope.
There’s always a way through the trials and tribulations that you will face.
Just ask God and your partner for grace.
Love & Light.
Author: Morgan Petit-Homme
Morgan has always had a compassionate heart, concerned with combating the injustices that many people face in this world. Morgan is passionate about seeing people educated and providing opportunities and spaces for open and honest dialogue.