Made Anew

By Morgan Petit-Homme

The other night I was looking through old pictures, looking through all the cuts and phases my hair has gone through. I’m trying to decide on what to do with my thick, tightly coiled, side-shaved hair (a long story for another day).

But the further back in time I went, the sadder I became. 

I began to replay those moments captured in a still photo. I began to remember the girl I used to be. The battles I had to fight. The way my body has changed. The unhealthy relationships.

I saw a girl who didn’t know where she belonged. I saw a naive girl who was lost and trying desperately to be a person that could be loved and accepted. I saw a girl searching for her place and purpose in life.

A girl hoping to find a piece of herself in every stranger that entered her life. 

I believed every lie I was told back then.

“I was problematic. I was manipulative. I was always wrong. I was negatively impacting everything and everyone around me.I wasn’t a virtuous woman. I didn’t try hard enough to protect myself.”

These were only some of the lies that would play on repeat in my head. 

What I know now is that I was a person walking around with bullet wounds, treating them like mosquito bites.

I knew something was wrong, but couldn’t diagnose it. I didn’t understand how the trauma I had experienced in my life was influencing the way I interacted with and reacted to other people.

I don’t recognize that girl that I was back then.

She feels like a horrible teen drama character. She wasn’t the person I wanted to be then; she isn’t the woman I am today. Those lies are not my identity.

Today, I mourn the loss of her while I celebrate the woman God is molding me into, His Lovely Bride.

Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.

Ephesians 4:22 NLT

I feel so much freedom and confidence knowing that I am surviving all the abuse, verbal, physical, and emotional, for almost a decade.

That makes me feel incredible strong.

And I am grateful that God is still healing all those things that have hurt me for so long.

Yes, I still have scars, evidence of what I have done and been through.

And I know that this journey will be a marathon, but I am comforted by the fact that I don’t have to tow around the luggage of self-hate, lies, and confusion anymore.

My journey to the finish line will be made straight, because I can lay all of my burdens down at His feet and all my sin has already been nailed to the cross. 

Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6:12 NLT

Author: Morgan Petit-Homme

Morgan has always had a compassionate heart, concerned with combating the injustices that many people face in this world. Morgan is passionate about seeing people educated and providing opportunities and spaces for open and honest dialogue. 

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