By Violetta Reum
Oh how deeply I want to trust you, Lord.
I know I should trust God because the scripture tell me so and the Bible is alive and real; not old and irrelevant.
When I surrendered my life to the calling Jesus has given me by serving others and trying to glorify Him even in the most mundane tasks, I remember the reassurance I received when I heard the words,
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.(Matthew 6:33 NLT)
But when doubt sets in, and I wonder if everything is really worth it, if loving God is really enough or if I am simply wasting away, I remember the comforting peace that would wash over me as I read
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them.(Romans 8:28 NLT)
And when things don’t work out how I wanted them to; when I feel betrayed by my own desires, the people around me, and sometimes even God, I feel so weak and fragile. The smallest doubt can make me waiver. But even then, I pray and hope that He will give me strength where I am frail because the Word says,
Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.(Ephesians 3:17 NLT)
I know I should trust God based on my experiences.
How often I have seen Him come through for our family financially, as we lived on miraculous donations for years and He always provided generously and punctually.
How often I have experienced reconciliation and healing that only Jesus could bring in relationships that I thought would never be repaired or restored.
How deep has my heart broken for injustices that were happening around me and how often did God make things right and vindicated the victim in some way.
How fervently have I prayed for impossible, almost ridiculous things and God has answered that prayer. Reminding me that I am not talking to air, but there is a living Spirit who is listening to me and acting on my behalf.
I know I should trust You, Lord, because in the dead of night, when I am randomly awaken by anxiety and all I can breathe out is “What are you doing, God?” You answer me.
You whisper back, “Be still, and trust me. Rest.”
You overwhelm my entire being with peace, You fill me up with love. You remind me that you are right here by me and I can breathe easy again.
As I drift off to sleep, I know everything will be okay and we will be okay.
Sometimes these things are easier said than done. I believe it all in my head but my heart can be guarded because I am afraid to be let down, afraid that my faith will not be enough, afraid that God will not answer.
So for me, and maybe for you, I recite this prayer,
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.(Romans 15:13)
I trust you, Father. I trust you with my life, my family, and all of our needs. But most importantly, I trust you with my heart. Because you are a good Father, the one who will be kind to me and who can be trusted fully.
Author: Violetta Reum
Violetta has always had a passion and calling to see people pursue God with their entire lives, find their calling and identity in Jesus, and seek deep healing from past trauma and abuse. She enjoys spending time with her husband and son and discovering all of the coffee shops and hole-in-the-wall restaurants.