Fourteen Months

By Morgan Petit-Homme

I’m not okay.

I keep getting an invoice for an E.R. visit.

Yep, one of THE E.R. visits.

This was a day and a half after I was examined.

The Sexual Assault Advocate or the attorney said I needed to get my blood tested.

Because, guess what, your word is not enough.

The tears you can’t seem to turn off isn’t proof enough.

That day I was pissed. 

That day I had to tell my dad why I couldn’t come to visit, why I was missing out on time with my sister, niece, and nephew.

That day I had to be forced out of my house to go to yet another medical facility.

And when we got to the place we were supposed to be, 

They closed TEN MINUTES EARLY!

Are you kidding me!

“Take me home!”

Nope.

Back to the E.R. we went. 

I saw the same Dr., who basically told my mom and I it was a waste of our time.

Because, if there were any drugs they had already left my system.

(And obviously all of the alcohol I had consumed was gone too).

Twelve months later.

Still no resolution to this bill. Invoice. Whatever you want to call it.

Fourteen months later.

I’m reminded every month of one of the most traumatic days of my life.

Every month. Filled with anxiety, stress, PTSD…

I criticize and am angry with myself for not being strong enough to confront the issue, that my bill has not been taken care of. 

“You should’ve taken care of yourself.”

“You should have done this sooner.”

Fourteen months later reminded how vulnerable I am.

How in one piece of mail I can crumble down to the smallest form of a human being.

Fourteen months later, I’m still seeking the beginning of healing.

Every day

I have to battle the deep hurt I can feel, when something or someone reminds me of the people that violated my trust fourteen months ago. Every day I have to say a pray or ask YHWH for an answer or sign. Every day, I try to remind myself to have my mind set on the eternal, that I am strong and find my strength in the Lord God Almighty. Every day I have to remind myself of Romans 8:31-39

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:31-39

Remember you are a daughter of God. He will provide everything, in His timing, for your benefit. He will grant you healing. Press in. Set your mind.


Author: Morgan Petit-Homme

Morgan has always had a compassionate heart, concerned with combating the injustices that many people face in this world. Morgan is passionate about seeing people educated and providing opportunities and spaces for open and honest dialogue. 


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